Friday, July 31, 2009

Holy emotions

Last night I went to a book signing for Love and Infertility-Kristen Magnacca. It was held at one of the pharmacys that I order my meds from. I met alot of nice people and Kristen was really sweet. She even told me that she might be able to get my in for a insurance call in hour w/ resolve (for free). However, to be honest I dont think theres anything anyone can do-I've tried to be nice to them, screamed at them and begged an pleaded with them-Nothing is going to change their minds. Its weird that in that room I was the ONLY person paying out of pocket.Anyways... I exchanged emails/numbers w./a few girls (its sooo nice to talk with someone going threw the same stuff).

On the way home however I lost my shit. Just started balling on the pike.Hmmmm I think its beacause even though I talk about things with my husband an a few friends/family it was different.I let my guard down, heard words that I can relate too. It made it more real since I was at this place. When I found out my IVF was cancelled I didnt scream/cry I just went on with things. I think for now on after finding out news I need to vent or I just gonna loose it.

When I came home my DH asked if I learned anything and I told him what Kristen and the other ladies said and he said "thats all". His wonderful comment didnt help me with my crazy emotions. I went onto the computer until bed and then when we went to sleep I freaked out. I want to tell him everything thats going on inside my head but dont have the words.

Today we went to visit a friend who just had a baby on Wed. On the way there I was super nervous and I asked him if he liked seeing other peoples babies. He said I'm not jealous of them, I know its going to happen for us next time. He said he cant dwell on the cancelled cycle and needs to be positive. That made me feel alot better. I'm really happy for our friends,and they are over joyed. I held the baby and so did my hubby and we were fine. I know we are going to be fine.

Ohh yeah, Kristen gave us a headband, I dont plan on using it but I plan on taking it with me to every appt. Maybe it will bring me luck!

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